The Rocky Mountain Collegian

August 29th, 2007

Don’t blow it Zemeckis

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m both excited and nervous about the pending release of Beowulf in theaters. On November 18th we’re all going to find out if Hollywood have acquired the appropriate chops to visualize one of the greatest hero tales of all time. This thing has been beaten and battered in many television programs and other such media in the past, but has not until recently received a true big budget, big screen production. I think we can agree to ignore the 1999 quasi-Sci-Fi adaptation starring Christopher Lambert of Highlander fame (infamy is a bit more accurate). And just forget about 2005’s Beowulf and Grendel.

Beowulf is pretty much the most badass heroic elegy ever written. It surrounds the adventures of Beowulf, the warrior prince of the Norse tribe known as the Geats. The ancient poem narrates his battles with three different fiends that threaten is people. First he kills the terrible beast known as Grendel. However, he doesn’t stop there. Obviously simply slaying the creature is not enough. Beowulf must destroy all of the members of Grendel’s immediate family. So, after that he proceeds to slay Grendel’s mother. The final monster that he slays is a nasty dragon.

Robert Zemeckis has a sketchy track record, but then again most directors do. Even those who have won Academy honors. In my mind, the expectations for this type of movie should be particularly lofty. I want this shit done right.

“Passion filled the prince of the Geats;
he allowed a cry to utter from his breast,
roared from his stout heart: as the horn clear in battle
his voice re-echoed through the vault of gray stone.
The hoard-guard recognized a human voice,
and there was no more time for talk of friendship:
hatred stirred. Straightaway
the breath of the dragon billowed from the rock
in a hissing gust; the ground boomed.”
-Beowulf, A Verse Translation

Yeah man, you need to visualize that. Good luck.

Maybe it’s not fair for me to go in with these expectations. But frankly, I don’t care. The Norse believed that the manner in which one achieved immortality was by performing heroic deeds that were passed on as stories through the generations. Perhaps Beowulf rests easy as his fame made it’s way to the 21st century. However, if we get one more bad adaptation of his tales, he might be doing some spirited rolling in his grave.

(If the focus rests on Angelina Jolie, gloriously hot as she may be, I will consider Beowulf an epic failure.)

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