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March 22nd, 2007

The Grass is ALWAYS Greener

Girls, ever feel like no matter how good your guy is there is something better out there? Guys, do you have yourself a beautiful/nice/intelligent girlfriend but you still can’t keep your eyes from wandering, looking for the next best thing? It seems that no matter how good we have it when it comes to dating (or life in general, but I’m not going to try to tackle that quandary), we always think there’s something/someone better out there.

For example, my last boyfriend, let’s call him John*, was perfect with a capital P. John* brought me out all the time, paid for everything, remembered all my favorite things (without me ever reminding him), was fantastic in bed and didn’t exhibit any of the popular spousal grievances i.e. being overbearing, jealous or needy. I didn’t fall out of love with him, we didn’t “lose our spark”, neither of us cheated on one another and we hardly ever fought…so what exactly went wrong then?

The answer is NOTHING. NADA. ZIP. ZILCH. I went away to college and we decided to have a long distance relationship. It was great, we were both happy at first, but the distance began getting to me and my eyes started wandering. Every day I saw new guys-tall guys, short guys, black guys, white guys, skater guys, punks, jocks and nerds. Any kind of guy I could ever want was (and is) right here at my fingertips. Oh, the woes of college, too many potentials and so little time.

Well I started becoming interested in some guys I was hanging out with. I felt guilty but I wasn’t “doing anything” so I figured “crushing” wasn’t a crime. I met guys at parties and in class who I thought were cute but the more I got to know them the more I began to realize that none of them were going to even compare to John*.

That’s when I finally realized… I had been wasting all this time trying to find something better than my relationship, better than John*, and maybe even better than me, and it was all because I’ve always thought that: there is always something better than what I already have. I now know that that is not always the case, but it almost (and maybe has) cost me a wonderful boyfriend, and more importantly a great friend.

Every relationship is not going to be a bed of roses and I think we all know that by now, but next time you look at some seemingly “perfect couple” (you know the ones I’m talking about-Barbie and Ken, Angelina and Brad, or that blow-dried sorority girl and her cut-as-a-stone boyfriend) I want you to take a second and think about why you envy these couples. Do you think they don’t fight? That Barbie never brushes Ken off when he wants a little nookie? Or Angelina doesn’t get annoyed when she gets ignored for the Super Bowl? These are problems ALL couples have, every single one of them, and if someone tries to tell you otherwise they are full of shit. Anyways there’s nothing like some good head-banging, hair-pulling, I-want-to-burn-your-valuables angry, makeup sex to make everything better. It definitely beats the sappy, “I-think-I-want-to-marry-you” sex or the “I’m-still-watching-the-game-while-you’re-having-an-orgasm-sex”, or the dreadful “Are-we-done-yet?” sex. I bet Barbie and Ken have never had some good spicy makeup sex…well, I guess they probably have never had sex (anatomical incorrectness-damn you Mattel!), but if they were I’m sure it would be the “vanilla” kind of sex.

What it comes down to is that, so maybe your relationship isn’t everything you dreamt it to be. Maybe he farts in his sleep or she wears granny panties, but at the end of the day we’re all human (ok maybe not Barbie and Ken) and we all have our flaws. Realize that no one’s perfect and just because Flanders’ lawn looks perfectly green next to Homer’s, doesn’t mean it isn’t astro turf.

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 22nd, 2007 at 2:58 pm and is filed under Fort Chick Report. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.