The Rocky Mountain Collegian

April 10th, 2007

Happy Nuke Day!

That’s right guys; the Iranians are on their way to having a National Nuclear Day with today (April 9) being the one-year anniversary since the first successful enrichment of uranium in Iran. Claims are swirling that Iran is only a year away from developing its first nuke.

How did the U.N. respond? I believe Team America can suit the response (altered a bit, forgive me):

Mahmoud: Security Council, Security Council, Security Council. We’ve been through this a dozen times. I’m not building any nuclear weapons, OK U.N. Security Council?
UN: Then stop building nuclear reactors so we can ease the U.N.’s collective mind.
Mahmoud: U.N., you’re breaking my burka here.
UN: I’m sorry, but we must be firm with you. Please stop building nuclear reactors, or else.
[Long pause]
Mahmoud: Or else what?
UN: Or else we will be very, very angry with you. And we will write you a letter telling you how angry we are.

The U.N. just continued to say “no, no, no” and “please stop” to Iran. Actually, that’s a little too mean on the U.N. In reality they’re putting sanctions on Iran:

“Sanctions have been limited to a freeze of assets of some Iranian companies linked to nuclear and missile programs and a call for nations to ban travel by 15 Iranian security and government officials.”

…

One whole year and the best the U.N. has come up with is to tell Iran to stop with nuclear proliferation? Great job, guys. Keep up the good work! Let me know how the Oil for Food program is going while you’re at it. Oops, I shouldn’t have said that.

Here are a couple of actual quotes that make the pansy-assed sound like they have balls and are ready to rumble with anti-Semitic Iran (actual rumbling not guaranteed):

• - “The international community stands together in ensuring that Iran does not develop the means to acquire nuclear weapons.” - The British Foreign Office
• - That Iran will “engage in dialogue. … It is very important for any member country to fully comply with the Security Council resolution.” - U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-moon
• - That Iran is “definitively going in the wrong direction.” - German Foreign Ministry
• - “Iran continues to defy the international community and further isolate itself by expanding its nuclear program, rather than suspending uranium enrichment.” - Gordon Johndroe of the National Security Council

The U.N. has taken a stand too: “The U.N. Security Council has set a deadline of late May for Iran to halt the program, warning it will gradually ratchet up the punishment.”

Allow me to summarize what the UN has said:

“Peter Gibbons, you’ve led a trite and meaningless life. And you’re a very bad person.” Office Space quotes work for everything! I bet Uncle Mahmoud is quaking in his boots as we speak. He just might cave and apologize from our bully attitudes!

These sanctions that we’re talking about, like the freeze of assets of SOME Iranian companies that have ties to the nuclear program, and the request for nations to ban travel of 15 Iranian officials, have to be the biggest hype of nothing I’ve ever read about. The only way these kinds of sanctions would bring a nation to its knees would be to impose them on a country that has economic problems a million times worse than North Korea’s.

Iran is defying the U.N. (which is easy to do, look at the Oil for Food program), illegally capturing and abusing British sailors, and denying the Holocaust ever occurred. And what is the world doing in response?

“You’re a very bad person.”

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 10th, 2007 at 1:17 pm and is filed under Editable Constitution. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

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