2008 Woodie Awards
Rocky Mountain Collegian – Blogs
the reel
April 9th, 2007
Review – Blades of Glory
When Will Ferrell was doing his skits on Saturday Night Live, they would often involve a joke that went on for 5 minutes or so and remained fairly entertaining throughout. If someone told you back then that he was going to take skits such as those and turn them into feature length films, you probably would have laughed your ass off at the mere notion. But here we are, with many movies of this type to his credit, the man seems inclined to continue with his deranged, raunchy escapades on the silver screen.
This time Ferrell takes us to the ice rink for some male figure skating. In Blades of Glory, two rival figure skaters Chaz Michael Michaels (Will Ferrell) and Jimmy MacElroy (Jon Heder) are disqualified from figure skating when they have a fight during their own awards ceremony (burning mascot and all). Years later, they discover a catch in their disqualification and decide to team up and enter as a doubles figure skating team. Of course, hilarity and wacky hijinx ensue.
As simple as these movies always are, I keep a place in my heart for them. I couldn’t help but laugh, even though 50 percent of the jokes were about how both skaters have male genitalia. Ferrell has got this concept down to a science (Talladega Nights was already very good evidence of this). Just when you think he’s done beating something into the ground, he goes one step further to make sure everyone is offended. It really does work and I believe most people will give this one a good chuckle.
Ferrell is the same old Will Ferrell (which is either a plus or a minus depending on how you feel about him) and Jon Heder is a great complement (if you don’t remember Mr. Heder, he was the main character in Napoleon Dynamite). Acting performance isn’t exactly of concern here, as all the actors really just got up on stage and acted as goofy as possible. Production doesn’t seem to be much of a concern either, but no one was really expecting that anyway.
College students in particular will love this one. The movie is obviously designed with younger crowds in mind. It’s a great date movie provided that you and your date can appreciate a little risque humor. If you can’t handle that, then I definitely suggest you stay away from this one. My brain tells me two stars, but my heart says three. We’ll settle.
(2.5 stars)
(We’ll see how much longer Will can keep this up. I hope he can keep it funny for a very long time to come!)
March 28th, 2007
Review – Reign Over Me
Alan Johnson (Don Cheadle), a successful dentist in the
Adam Sandler, as I already stated, is amazing in this movie. He can make the audience laugh, cry, and be completely silent. All in the same scene.
I have difficulty pointing out a flawed performance in this movie as they were all wonderful. Liv Tyler plays a very genuine psychiatrist. Don Cheadle’s character is very easy to identify with. Jada Pinkett Smith plays a convincing wife (in fact, I think she stands out almost as much as Sandler, even though she has little screen time). You know the chick (Saffron Burrows) that played the main character in that P.O.S. shark movie She’s in this, and she even does a great job with her role.
The biggest gripe I have with this movie is that the plot is very predictable. I was able to call pretty much everything in the movie. Also, it probably could have been trimmed down in time as well. That being said, the whole production has a very endearing quality. It just leaves you feeling very happy. When a movie attempts to do that, and succeeds, it’s difficult to badmouth it.
It’s a great movie, but I would suggest avoiding it until you are in the right mood. If you do feel like a good tearjerker with top-notch acting, then this one should hit the right chord.
(3 stars)
(In case any of you were wondering, the title IS a reference to the song “Love Reign O’er Me” by The Who. Yeah, I love that song, too!)
March 26th, 2007
Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film
Although not entirely new information, I wanted to bring something to everyone’s attention that’s been in the spotlight recently. Adult Swim’s Aqua Teen Hunger Force is being made into a feature film. Yeah. If you don’t know what Aqua Teen is, do yourself a favor and give it a Google right now.
I seriously never would have 
guessed that they would actually attempt to make a movie out of the goofy late night cartoon. This show is the most insane combination of crappy animation and batshit crazy subject matter you will see anywhere. The show actually works if you are into that sort of thing, but a 90 minute theatrical production makes me rather skeptical.
Still…
(Yeah… that’s a floating package of fries. Yep… a hamburger with a chainsaw. Uh huh… a cup of soda with a crossbow)
March 19th, 2007
Review- 300
Do you know what a power chord is? I’m sure you’ve heard one before. Musically, it is known as the fifth, and commonly has a third note included to complete the octave. Otherwise, it is known as the chord that makes that awesome gnarly sound in heavy metal. I bring this up, because if you could wrap the movie 300 into something tangible, this is exactly what it would be. A long, repeating death metal assault.
300 tells the story of the Spartan battle against the Persian army at Thermopylae. It is historically accurate in some ways. Yes, there were only 300 Spartan warriors (although there were a total of 4000 fighting on their side including soldiers and slaves from other parts of Greece) who held off a gigantic army of Persian soldiers, and yes, said Spartans killed a shit load of Persians. No, there were not giant trolls and masked demons marching among the ranks of the Persians. But hey, Hollywood has to stretch the truth in its favor to keep our attention… right?
The focus of the story is on King Leonidas (Gerard Butler) and his Spartan warriors. They essentially take on a substantial percentage of the world population in a massive slaughterfest. Leonidas does this in defiance of the politicians and traditions of his country. So, at the same time, his beautiful wife (Lana Headey) fights the politicians in Sparta to convince them to send the bulk of the Spartan army to aid her husband.
I’m not even going to attempt to convince you that this movie is about the plot, because it isn’t. This movie is about ridiculous, over the top violence. If anyone wanted to make the case that this movie desensitizes its viewers, most would have a difficult time making a counter argument. The movie has a bevy of spears in chests, swords in faces, and heads removed from shoulders. If any of the above make you queasy now, they will not by the time you’ve finished viewing 300. The special effects are very well done, although some of the time slowing/time speeding effects get rather tiresome after a while.
After all is said and done, you will probably leave this movie feeling very pumped up (I know I did). There is more testosterone and adrenaline here than there is in an Arnold Schwarzenegger workout video. If completely unnecessary violence and compulsive action interest you, then you will c
ertainly enjoy what 300 has to offer.
(3 stars)
(I officially submit that Gerard Butler has a wider mouth than Julia Roberts. The man could swallow a cow whole.)
March 9th, 2007
To America: Please Stop
Wild Hogs hit the theaters last weekend. It landed with a resounding “SPLAT” as far as critics are concerned. But you can never underestimate the mob. The hogs reeled in almost $40 million last weekend, more than doubling the amounts that the quality opening movies are bringing in. This is, of course, right after the No. 1 movie the week before hit with an equally unimpressive “THUD”.
Sure, 
everything can’t be great. Such is art. But if something isn’t great, then it doesn’t deserve our money or our time. That’s the luxury that Hollywood affords us. It has achieved such high levels of quality in the past that it is not unrealistic for us to expect more quality in the future.
So this is a good rule that I like to go by. If you haven’t educated yourself (even if only a little bit) about a potential Friday night movie before hitting the theater, make sure you don’t give them your money when you get there. Movie critics are there for a reason. That reason is to see crap so millions of ticket-buying people don’t have to. Then the crap can make it to its deserved destination (such as the bargain DVD bin within the next four months). In my opinion there is simply no excuse. The Internet is readily available to all, and movie reviews and information are invariably posted before opening day.
I’m sure this just sounds like a wild rant, but I only rant because I care about movies. Cinema IS an art form that evolves and changes as a part of our societal evolution. As such, the weak (i.e. crappy movies that bring back my childhood migraines) need to be weeded out. The more shit that you can help guide into the abyss, the better your movies will be in general.
(A note to Tim Allen: An ideal mid-life crisis actor though you may be, a good movie it makes not.)
February 28th, 2007
The Departed Review
I’m going to cut right to the chase here. Scorsese’s latest crime drama is the most gut wrenching, ball busting, plot twisting movies to date. With a huge crew of big name actors, top notch production values, and great writing, this thing is hard to beat.
The plot centers around two men. Billy Costigan (Leonardo DiCaprio) is the bad cop with a crime ridden past. However, his dangerous background gives him the opportunity to be a mole for the police within the organization of Frank Costello (Jack Nicholson). At the same time, Colin Sullivan (Matt Damon) plays a good cop on the exterior. But he really has connections to Costello and works as a mole for the crime lord within the police station! It essentially breaks down to a race between the two men to root the other out. I will give no spoilers, but I will say this: Don’t even attempt to guess the outcome of this film, you will be wrong.
All of the acting is superb, with particularly memorable performances from DiCaprio and Nicholson. Mark Wahlberg (who plays a detective handler and is one of the only people who knows Billy Costigan’s true identity) is hilarious, and has so many good lines that you and your friends will repeat them over and over. Also, besides all of the stars in the movie, the acting from all the minor characters is top notch as well.
As always, I suggest going into a movie with low expectations (that way, it can only surprise you!) but in this case, I can almost guarantee that anyone will love this movie. I hate making statements like this, but in this case I will make an exception. If you only see one movie from last year, see The Departed.
(4 stars)
Jesus + Documentary = Chaos
Legendary director James Cameron is working on a new film documenting the alleged discovery of the bones of Jesus and his family. Sure to attract the ire of devout Christians the world over, Cameron seems to believe that he has the genuine article. Using ossuaries that were discovered in 1980, he has done extensive work with archaeologists, statisticians, and forensic scientists to uncover the truth.
Regardless of what some may say, I admire what Mr. Cameron is trying to do. Ancient mysteries such as this should not be covered by religious dogma. There is room for religion and science to coexist.
The documentary is slated for release on March 4th on the Discovery Channel.
(When my bones are buried in the ground, I’d like them to stay there thank you!)
February 27th, 2007
Review – Pan’s Labyrinth (El Laberinto del Fauno)
Pan’s Labyrinth tells the story of a young girl (Ivana Baquero) living during the time of the Spanish Civil War. Her father was killed in the war, and her mother is pregnant with the child of a ruthless military captain (Sergi López) who 
leads a contingent of men that are embroiled in the conflict. She escapes her horrible situation by immersing herself in her beloved fairy tales. Reality and fiction are blurred together in this amazing Spanish production directed by Guillermo del Toro.
And when I say amazing production, I mean amazing! You will be swept away by the effects, story, acting, costumes and everything else in this movie. A fair warning however, Pan’s Labyrinth is very dark. This one is certainly not for the faint of heart. If anyone remembers or has even heard of the movie A Little Princess, this is very similar only with much denser subject matter and a much more grown up presentation.
Of particular note are the cinematography and effects in the movie. The sweeping camera angles and incredible costume and makeup design set a towering new standard for all other movies.
In light of the multiple Academy Awards that Pan’s Labyrinth won last night, I highly recommend you try to catch this incredible film while it is still in theaters.
(4 stars)
February 22nd, 2007
Get Your Super Bowl Out of My Oscar
The 79th Academy Awards are being held on Feb. 25. With large numbers of viewers expected across the country, many advertisers see this as a prime time to slam us with advertisements.
The fact that the ads have reached a level of fame nearing that of Super Bowl ads is irritating enough (thirty second spots now cost a cool $1.7 million). It turns out that some of these advertisers are launching Web sites that are, get this, hyping the ads that will be airing during the Oscars. The last time I checked, the Oscars were about honoring the great talents of the movie industry, not the mind numbing exploits of Chase Manhattan.
How starved for entertainment do we have to be if advertisers think we are going to spend our time checking out advertisements that are advertising advertisements? I myself am going to make a point to not buy the products of the companies that are using this ridiculous tactic.
February 20th, 2007
Review – Haven
Film Noir is a tricky film style. When done right, it can yield an exhilarating experience that gets our blood pumping as well as makes us think. However, when done poorly, the product is a presumptuous piece of crap that leaves us wishing for our time back. Haven, with little resistance, falls into the latter category.
Orlando Bloom is the star here, but before all the girls out there start swooning, let me tell you about the catch. He probably has the least screen time of any big name star whose name has been slapped on a mediocre movie that I have ever seen. Plus, without giving anything away, he gets his face disfigured rather early on in the movie. So we get
Basically, the plot revolves around Bill Paxton getting screwed by a business partner. The FBI gets involved and he runs away with his daughter and a ton of money to the
Please avoid this one at all costs. Haven doesn’t fall into the “so bad it’s good” category. It falls into the “so bad it’s crap” category.
(no stars)
Robots in the Box Office!
Maybe this isn’t news to anyone else, but I just discovered that there is a Transformers movie in the works. Scheduled for release in July, director
Guys, don’t even try to pretend that this doesn’t make you excited. Even if they screw it up, it will be better than the original Japanese anime feature.
From rottentomatoes.com
(I’m guessing that’s the big O.P… awesome)
February 19th, 2007
Best of the Best
Bravo
Thanks For Shaving Your Head
From www.theblemish.com
(Am I the only one who immediately thought about V For Vendetta upon hearing this news?)
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