Rocky Mountain Collegian – Blogs
the reel
September 19th, 2007
So, you stomped him real good eh Frankie?
Right, so I’ve got a game plan for all of you this Friday night. Ready for this one? Get out the pad and paper everyone.
Step number one is that you get drunk. Hell, you’re college students, that was probably on your agenda to begin with. With me so far?
Step number two is to head over to the movie rental shop (no driving drunk). How many students do we have here at CSU? Somewhere around 10,000? We’re going to have to organize this. Everyone needs to confer with one another to make sure we don’t all go to the same movie store. Or, we could all rent the movie and meet at someone’s place. Nose goes!
Step three is the best part. Once you are at said movie rental shop, you must rent one and only one item. Bloodsport. Yes, you read that correctly. That’s a big “B” followed by “loodsport”. Find it in the “Martial Arts” section… or more likely, the “Cult” section.
Seriously, I would not condone this sort of behavior unless you were already slightly intoxicated (you started with Step #1 right? See above paragraphs). 1988’s Bloodsport is one of the best martial arts films of the 80’s, and as a consequent, one of worst movies that has ever made it to the silver screen.
But it’s oh so good at the same time! Who knew Jean Claude Van Damme’s best friend was a Harley riding, beer drinking, street brawler named Ray? And what about his arch nemesis? A Chinese man with pectorals the size of my head named Chong Li. Oh, dude, and seriously… the soundtrack! Terrible, formulaic 80’s rock songs with excessive use of synthesizers and electric pianos featuring names such as “Fight to Survive”. Also, you will not even want to utter the word “montage” after viewing this movie for fear of angering Lono (who is of course the ancient Hawaiian god of fertility and music). I warned you, folks.
Did this post make any sense whatsoever? Of course not, but that was the point! I want you all to be curious enough to rent this movie, and enter the love-hate relationship with it that I already accepted years ago. Once you see Van Damme doing the splits in mid air while jumping over a Mongolian freak of nature whilst engaged in mortal combat, you will be a believer. In what, I am not sure. But you will be pious. What better time to get pious than when you are blitzed on a Friday night and watching low budget martial arts flicks?
(Apologies for the random nature of the preceding prose. Seriously, watch Bloodsport!)
September 14th, 2007
Hey, bub, I’m not finished with you yet!
X-Men 3 bestowed a powerful sensation that combined a lot of bad words and feelings over a year ago. Were I writing this blog at the time, “shit storm” would have been a prominent describing word. The largest fault with the film was exhibited by the selected director. Switching from Bryan Singer to Brett Ratner was the most obvious change that led to the inherent crapulance of the movie. Let’s face it, The Last Stand was so bad that Frasier couldn’t save it. No children, not even Frasier!!!
Word has just got out that a spin off of the X-Men trilogy is to begin filming in
The movie is currently slated for 2008 or 2009, so it’s obviously very early in production. No reason to start getting excited about this one quite yet. I guess I’m a bit of a nerd and can’t help myself when I hear a geeky bit of information like this. You may now resume your mainstream lifestyle.
(But seriously… Wolverine in
September 11th, 2007
HD-DVD vs. Blu-Ray, where do you want your movies?
If you know your home media history then you’ve probably heard of the epic clash between the Betamax and the victorious VHS back in the 80’s. It was a battle between corporations that helped define the direction of movie technology for years. Well, now we find history repeating itself with the struggle between Blu-Ray and HD-DVD. Of course, beneath the duel of formats are two major corporate powers. Sony is pushing for their proprietary Blu-Ray technology, while Toshiba are going all out for their HD-DVDs.
I see Blu-Ray as the big expensive SUV of media formats. It makes all your movies sound and look great, provided that your other home theater technology is up to snuff. It has a shit-load of special features that are only going to benefit the movie companies as they make for stronger defense against piracy(by the way, I do not condone the piracy of home movies). The strongest draw here is that Blu-Ray has a much higher data storage capacity, that is to say that there can be more stuff on each disc (a single layer disc can
hold about 25 gigabytes). The kicker that comes with all of this, however, is that Blu-Ray is much more expensive to produce. This added cost will invariably pass down to the consumer.
HD-DVD, on the other hand, is like a small sedan. It still has all of the options installed, it just isn’t quite as big and mean looking as that SUV. The HD-DVD will enhance movie-watching in the same way that Blu-Ray will as it is capable of producing high quality visuals and audio as well. HD-DVD holds less data (about 15
gigabytes on a single layer), but is cheaper for the consumer. Also, HD-DVD players are backward compatible with regular DVDs.
I’ve been watching this one pan out from the beginning and I am still leaning toward Toshiba. Is it really worth the extra money to get more director’s commentary or movie previews on each disc, as you would with Blu-Ray? And even if the picture you can get from Blu-Ray does end up being superior… how the hell am I going to take advantage of it if I still have a crappy CRT television? Sony made a huge gamble by making sure their new Playstation 3 has a Blu-Ray player. But I’m sure everyone knows the results there (namely a $500-600 price tag).
I don’t want you all to start thinking “Oh shit! I need to make a decision! I need to start CHOOSING SIDES IN THE MEDIA WAR FOR THE AGES!” This technology is going to phase in about as gradually as DVD did from VHS. It is true that the folks that will determine the victor here are all of you, but don’t go throwing out your DVDs just yet. Once this technology becomes available to the average consumer, one format will come out on top.
(Please post comments if you have anything important to add on this subject!)
September 6th, 2007
Stardust Review
Alright, so I don’t want to give too much away about the movie, but I have to open with a query about Robert DeNiro. The question is, did you ever dream, even in your wildest most star-studded dreams, that he could successfully play a gay man in a feature film? Sorry, I’ve already said too much.
Stardust is a delightful little fantasy movie based on the book by Neil Gaiman. The setting is the English village known as Wall. In the story, Tristan (Charlie Cox) makes a promise to a beautiful girl (who doesn’t happen to actually care for him all that much) that he will bring her a fallen star. However, in order to get to the star’s place of rest he must cross the forbidden wall and enter a mysterious magical kingdom. Upon arrival at the crash site our dear Tristan discovers that the star is actually a beautiful glowing young woman named Yvaine (Claire Danes). The quest to bring the star back to Wall is complicated by a hot, but brutally sinister
witch (Michelle Pfeiffer) who needs the star girl to achieve eternal youth.
It may be cliché to compare Stardust to The Princess Bride this late after release, but I just did, so eat it. The parallels are pretty obvious. Both movies are filled with whimsical humor, both are fairy tales for the young at heart, and both feature eccentric characters portrayed by wonderful actors.
Which brings me back to Robert DeNiro, who gives the most standout, memorable acting in the film. His character actually isn’t introduced until later on in the movie, but this speaks volumes about his effective use of screen time. He plays a bloodthirsty sky pirate (what fantasy would be complete without physics defying airships?) with a few personal secrets. I won’t give it all away, but
he does a truly excellent job with the character. Most of the other performances are fairly average. They don’t damage the movie, but they do prevent it from attaining that certain mark of perfection.
Given the above text it’s probably easy to see that I loved the movie. The combination of plenty of stuff for guys and plenty of stuff for gals also suggests that this would make a stellar date movie. It’s true, and I find it a damn shame that the movie hasn’t received a blockbuster reception in theaters. Go check Stardust out before it’s off on its trip to DVD. You will be entertained!
3.5 stars (out of 4)
(Neil Gaiman is a terrific storyteller and has been writing science fiction and fantasy for some time, check him out!)
September 5th, 2007
Gems – Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Ah, Hunter S. Thompson. The world lost a powerful ally against censorship when the great man died in 2005. The nature of his writing is such that it will defy the ravages of time and endure his many insights for countless generations. Today I want to call attention to the modern adaptation of his book Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas to the table.
For those who don’t know who Thompson was let me give you a quick introduction. Hunter S. Thompson was an American journalist who was quite influential in the emergence of what is commonly referred to as Gonzo Journalism, which is a type of writing in which the journalist gets intimately involved in the subjects of his writing. He wrote many books, and of course one of the most well known is Fear and Loathing. He was quite a character,
very polarizing for many people. He was known to participate in the consumption most types of illegal drugs. As such, it was a very difficult decision to find an actor insane enough to play his part.
Enter Johnny Depp. Thompson actually met with Depp before filming and was convinced that he was the only one for the part. Allegedly Depp spent three weeks in Thompson’s basement, studying the ways of the beast (participating in the drug habits of said beast when necessary). Knowing Depp’s success as an actor, doubts about his ability to play eccentric characters should be set aside to begin with. Depp does a phenomenal job playing Raoul Duke (Thompson’s alias in the book). The other character of note is his “distinguished attorney” Dr. Gonzo who is played by Benicio del Toro. Yes, Dr. Gonzo is a bit nuts too, so you can imagine this was right up Benicio del Toro’s alley.
The story chronicles Duke and Gonzo’s trip to Las Vegas to cover a motorcycle race for the sports magazine Duke writes for. Those looking for a well conceived, purposeful plot will find nothing here. Thompson wrote about what actually happened to him during his drug induced adventures in Vegas. Therefore, the product is a series of scenes, many hilarious, with insightful narration from Duke. The script is the real star here as much of Thompson’s writing for the book is used verbatim in many cases. Also of particular note is the direction which is of the highest quality. Again, no less would be expected since the man for the job was none other than the eccentric Terry Gilliam. In the final test screening for the movie, Thompson was invited to watch it and give his input. The movie was so accurate that he had drug induced flashbacks during the viewing!
After watching the movie again recently, I realize that this may not be for everyone. I actually watched it with a few friends that were downright repulsed by it. You really need to go in with an open mind. If you can appreciate where Thompson was coming from with his style of journalism then this movie will be very rewarding for anyone willing to take the plunge.
(Great respects to the late and still great Hunter S. Thompson.)
August 29th, 2007
Don’t blow it Zemeckis
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m both excited and nervous about the pending release of Beowulf in theaters. On November 18th we’re all going to find out if Hollywood have acquired the appropriate chops to visualize one of the greatest hero tales of all time. This thing has been beaten and battered in man
y television programs and other such media in the past, but has not until recently received a true big budget, big screen production. I think we can agree to ignore the 1999 quasi-Sci-Fi adaptation starring Christopher Lambert of Highlander fame (infamy is a bit more accurate). And just forget about 2005’s Beowulf and Grendel.
Beowulf is pretty much the most badass heroic elegy ever written. It surrounds the adventures of Beowulf, the warrior prince of the Norse tribe known as the Geats. The ancient poem narrates his battles with three different fiends that threaten is people. First he kills the terrible beast known as Grendel. However, he doesn’t stop there. Obviously simply slaying the creature is not enough. Beowulf must destroy all of the members of Grendel’s immediate family. So, after that he proceeds to slay Grendel’s mother. The final monster that he slays is a nasty dragon.
Robert Zemeckis has a sketchy track record, but then again most directors do. Even those who have won Academy honors. In my mind, the expectations for this type of movie should be particularly lofty. I want this shit done right.
“Passion filled the prince of the Geats;
he allowed a cry to utter from his breast,
roared from his stout heart: as the horn clear in battle
his voice re-echoed through the vault of gray stone.
The hoard-guard recognized a human voice,
and there was no more time for talk of friendship:
hatred stirred. Straightaway
the breath of the dragon billowed from the rock
in a hissing gust; the ground boomed.”
-Beowulf, A Verse Translation
Yeah man, you need to visualize that. Good luck.
Maybe it’s not fair for me to go in with these expectations. But frankly, I don’t care. The Norse believed that the manner in which one achieved immortality was by performing heroic deeds that were passed on as stories through the generations. Perhaps Beowulf rests easy as his fame made it’s way to the 21st century. However, if we get one more bad adaptation of his tales, he might be doing some spirited rolling in his grave.
(If the focus rests on Angelina Jolie, gloriously hot as she may be, I will consider Beowulf an epic failure.)
August 27th, 2007
Summer Review: the Focus Group
The scene is a well lit office room with a circle of chairs oriented in the middle. Movie Industry enters with a big stupid grin on his face, obviously pleased with the record breaking ticket sales over the summer. He is followed shortly by Consumer’s Brain and Consumer’s Balls. They all seat themselves in the central chairs and wait. Finally, the market researcher, Joe, enters and greets everyone warmly.
Joe : Welcome everyone, and thanks for coming to our market research meeting. If there aren’t any questions I would like for us to begin.
Movie Industry : Yeah, I got a question for ya’ mister business man. Is there anything sexier in this room than me? Hell no! I’m the prettiest friggin’ runaway freight train ever!
Balls : Hahaha! This guy is a riot! And he’s unstoppable!
Joe clears his throat, attempting to ignore the outburst.
Joe: Thanks… Movie Industry. Okay, so I’d like to ask you all a round of three questions. Just answer truthfully and honestly please. First question: What was the best movie of the summer?
Movie Industry : Oh yeah, I got this one. Pirates of the Caribbean 3 was incredible. It had pirates and explosions and hot chicks…
Brain : And an obscenely long convoluted plot that was obviously written during filming…
Balls: …and a midget firing a blunderbuss!!! Ahahaha!! That is humor! I was totally sold in like… the first five minutes. Great flick!
Brain : What? The plot of that movie was a deal breaker! Was I the only one that noticed how awful and long it was?
Movie Industry: Heh! ‘fraid so lobe face! Balls knows what he likes, and what he likes is action, special effects and tiny people shooting big ass guns!
Brain slumps down in her chair with disappointment.
Joe : Interesting. Very good, keep this level of conversation up people. Next question: What was the biggest letdown of the summer?
Brain : I’d say that goes without contest to Transformers. Sure it had incredible special effects, but come on! This is one of the rare occasions where I’m pretty sure a movie would have been better if all of the people were taken out of it. The script and plot were so bad that I would almost prefer the original, poorly translated japanese anime. And that Megan Fox girl? She’s beautiful but… ouch… just… ouch.
Balls : Megan Fox! Hot chick… wooooo! And she knows how to fix cars too! Hot!
Movie Industry : Well I’m glad somebody appreciated all the effort I put into that one. How could you possibly argue with all that stuff? Big robots beating the piss out of each other not good enough for ya’?
Brain : Are you kidding me? I’m pretty sure I could hear Michael Bay pleasuring himself in the background while I was watching the film. The biggest mistake they made was getting that monkey to direct.
Movie Industry : Pffft, whatever. Bay’s a solid dude and he knows what he likes and how to put what he likes in movies. I mean, if I didn’t have him, who would I throw all that money at? Nowhere, that’s where!
Joe : Alright, there’s no need for you all to get rowdy in here. I’ll just move on to the last question: What was the biggest surprise of the summer?
Movie Industry : There were no surprises for ME, that’s for sure. Everything just hit like a ton o’ bricks. I’m tellin’ ya, there’s no stoppin’ me!
Balls: Haha! Hell yeah. Hell yeah! Bourne Ultimatum rocked!!!
Brain : Bah, I’m gonna… wait a second, what?
Movie Industry : Darn tootin’ Bourne rocked. Rogue agent on a bloody mission of revenge? Don’t get better than that!
Brain sits with a look of disbelief on her face.
Brain : That movie had… an amazingly well designed plot, a wonderful script, solid acting… and we all agree that it was good?
Movie Industry : Yessireebob! It might not have reeled in quite as much cash as the other scorchers this summer, but man. It was one quality show!
Balls : Yeah man! Totally cool story and action!
Joe : Well I’m glad you can all agree on something today. Thanks again to all of you and your great input today. You’ve all been a big help.
Brain : Sure, glad I could be of help.
Movie Industry : I ain’t through kickin’ ass yet! Not by a long shot!
Balls : Heh… oh yeah. And when that guy got sniped in the head, it like… exploded! It was awesome!!
Exeunt
(Welcome back Rams! I hope you all had as great a summer as I did. I’m back with more movie and media blogging this year, so stay tuned!)
May 2nd, 2007
Review – Hot Fuzz
Never before in my long history as a movie watcher has the sight of someone being stabbed in the throat with a gardening tool made me laugh so hard. You know, that sounds awful on paper, but it does give a nice example of what Hot Fuzz is all about. From the creators of Shaun of the Dead comes this new film in the vein of dark British satire. With the perfect combination of humor, action, and style, Hot Fuzz hits right on the mark.
Nicholas Angel (Simon Pegg) is one of
If you like dark comedy, this movie will make you laugh out loud. If you like goofy comedy, this movie will make you laugh out loud. If you like good old fashioned whimsy, this movie will make you laugh out loud. There really is something for everybody here in terms of humor. All of the acting is top notch for the mood of the movie. Many performances are completely overdone, but it keeps with the style, which makes it work just fine.
The violence and action in Hot Fuzz are over the top as well. Grisly murders are portrayed in such a way that you will cringe and giggle at the same time. Don’t ask me how they pulled it off, but it works. Stylistically speaking the movie is very fast paced. Action scenes are confusing, but it tends to work in the favor of the movie. Also, there are a lot of very strange montage scenes in places that may give some people seizures. Fair warning has been given!
Check this one out when you are in the mood for a zany movie. Maybe you need some cheering up or a break before or during finals week? Or perhaps you’ve got a spring date with someone who has a twisted sense of humor? Hot Fuzz will certainly work, and I highly recommend you catch this one in theaters.
(3.5 stars)
(Monty Python fans rejoice, the heirs apparent to the British humor crown are here!)
April 26th, 2007
Gems – “This is Spinal Tap”
The movie chronicles has-been British hair metal band Spinal Tap on their American comeback tour. Rob Reiner plays the documentary director Marty DiBergi who follows the band on their tour. Guest, McKean and Shearer are the band members and are all hilarious. To get this movie, however, you really have to get into the right frame of mind. Most of the humor is the sort that you don’t usually pick up on the first time you see it and much of it is very tongue-in-cheek. That being said, every time I’ve seen this, I’ve enjoyed it more than the last. There are memorable lines and scenes throughout that you’ve probably heard referenced before even if you haven’t seen the movie.
The lyrics are even better:
“Working on a sex farm
Trying to raise some hard love
Getting out my pitch fork
Poking your hay”
Blatantly suggestive 80s Cock Rock style lyrics at their finest. These guys are hi-freaking-larious.
The whole production is completely convincing throughout. If one didn’t know beforehand, one might actually believe that these guys were for real. In fact, multiple hard rock artists have come out over the years and discussed this movie, suggesting that the events portrayed here are so close to the downfall of a real band that it might as well be real. Again, I can’t stress enough that appreciating the mood and attitude is important while viewing this movie. If you get into this one, you won’t regret it.
As previously stated, this is a must-view for all music fans. If you aren’t into music (for shame!) then you may want to stay away from “Spinal Tap” as you will probably just see it as a waste of time. Otherwise, go find it at a video store. The antics of “Spinal Tap” will certainly make you smile.
(Keep an eye out for cameos from Fran Drescher, Billy Crystal, and Anjelica Huston!)
April 19th, 2007
Gems – The Hunt for Red October
Without further ado…
The Hunt for Red October is based on the Tom Clancy book by the same name. It’s a Jack Ryan novel (a recurring main character in Clancy’s books). First of all, let me point out that I am not a fan of Clancy. Hopefully that alleviates your concerns about the movie if you feel the same way. Plus, this thing has Sean Connery. ‘Nuff said in my opinion.
This is just a fun movie. It keeps you on the edge of your seat the whole time, and it is extremely well produced. It’s also great for repeat visits. I’ve seen this more times than I can count and am still greatly entertained each time. Besides Connery and Baldwin, James Earl Jones has a spot in here, as does Sam Neill of Jurassic Park fame (though this movie came out before Jurassic Park). Stellar acting from all sides. Also, the script is a huge reason the actors are able to excel. Memorable lines abound as the movie progresses. Take this Connery classic for example (imagining his accent is necessary for the full effect).
Ramius - “Hey, Ryan, be careful what you shoot at. Most things in here don’t react too well to bullets.”
The “things” he refers to are nuclear missiles.
This is a recognizable classic and will be available at most video rental stores. But, if you do see it lying at the bottom of a bargain DVD bin somewhere, don’t hesitate to pick it up. You won’t regret adding this one to your collection.
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