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Fort Chick Report

April 11th, 2007

Real Women Pass Gas…We Need A Revolution!

I am so sick of guys and girls trying to attain to some kind of human perfection. What is up with the surge of “plastics” lately? Or the girls who get up at 6am to get ready for their 8am class and make the rest of us normal sleep-deprived girls feel inadequate? Or the ridiculously muscle bound guys who keep Creatine in their backpacks to make sure they don’t miss their daily dose of protein? Ahhh I can’t take it anymore!!!
Sometimes I’m bloated and I have three pimples right smack dab in my forehead. I don’t feel like working out and when I try to put makeup on my pimples they just end up sticking out more. I can’t wear any of my “cute clothes” because they are too formfitting for my retention blessed visit from Aunt Flo and my hair is a mess. I have to be in class in 5 minutes and I can’t find a tampon!!! Girls- does this sound familiar?
That’s why I say let’s start a new revolution. Let’s just all take it down a notch on the beauty scale. I’m not condoning “hippie showers”, dreads (no offense, but they are just dirty…bugs and Bob??), or leftover makeup from the night before. I’m just for a little “aesthetic relaxation”.
And one more thing…let’s get a tad bit of “aesthetic diversity” around here. I’m sick of seeing people wearing the same things day after day. No kind of personal expression or signature twist on their clothing, just the same Abercrombie & Fitch tee and jeans that say ridiculous things like “Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy” or “Blondes Do It Better”. What are you trying to say here? If you’re going to have something written on your shirt please make it somewhat intelligent or at least funny. There are a lot of cool “funny” vintage-y types of t-shirts online at palmercash.com or noisebot.com where they have t-shirts that say things like, “Club Sandwiches Not Seals” and “Make Awkward Sexual Advances Not War.” Shirts like these are not only funny and interesting, they are good conversation starters…definitely better than “Jake’s Crab Shack…We Have All The Crabs You’ll Need” or something of the sort.
And it’s not just Abercrombie & Fitch, it’s all the skaters and goths too. Just because you are trying to be different by wearing all black and rimming our entire eyes with black eyeliner doesn’t mean you have to lose a sense of yourself, woops I meant style. Color is nice…try some color. Skaters rocking all Volcom/Etnies/DC/Emerica stuff-this does not make you “cool”…only that you spend a lot of money on sweatshirts and skate shoes. Everything you wear does not have to be a skater/snowboard label, I swear it doesn’t make you any less of a bada** rider.
So let’s break a rut CSU. It’s close to summer, let your hair down a little (without blowdrying it) and let’s bring back ORIGINALITY! And next time someone snidely comments about your clothing, tell them you are practicing “aesthetic relaxation and diversity”; They won’t know what they hell you are talking about and while they sit there and contemplate your answer you can walk away laughing to yourself about your new t-shirt that says, “Draft Beer Not People.”