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September 14th, 2007

More Global Warming Hilarity

Don’t forget to not breathe during your next lecture class, as you are obviously contributing to the death of this planet.

As Hollywood and Eco-Nazis keep pressing on with their global warming psychobabble propaganda, it sounds like a good time to bring some current events to the table, which disproves the secular Apocalypse.

Possibly one of my favorite examples of how ridiculous the global warming agenda is, is from everyone’s favorite country: Norway! Officials have now declared that the Scandinavian moose is contributing to global warming because it acts like a slob/human by burping and farting (these are things we do in front our loved ones, of course), with an approximate output of 2,100 kilos (4,630 lbs.) of CO2 a year. So what this story proves, is that all those nay-sayers writing letters to the editor that said that cow farts did not contribute to global warming in the Collegian about this time last year are feeling pretty embarrassed with their previous statements.

It turns out that anthropogenic (for you CU students, that means “man made”) global warming is a complete farce, and that even if we did all drive a Prius (whose battery development is far worse than any Hummer on the road), the Scandinavian moose would still put us over the edge and the earth would still be doomed in 9 years, according to Al Gore. Talk about your lose-lose!

The Antarctic ice levels are increasing. This disproves half of the “Gorey” details we’ve been preached about regarding global warming and our imminent doom. So if it isn’t happening on one end of the earth, that means it isn’t happening on the other, right?

Mostly! From the data that has been gathered about the Arctic ice cap, there are some absurd predictions made, like this one from the Washington Post, that the arctic ice caps “will shrink 40 percent by 2050 in most regions, with grim consequences for polar bears, walruses and other marine animals, according to government researchers.” It sounds like the polar bears are pretty screwed unless we do something about this Scandinavian moose problem. But, this report from the Washington Post, like most things that come out of the biased media, fail to report that research data about the ice levels in the Arctic only started to be recorded in 1979. So not even 30 years have gone by, and people are putting all their eggs in one anthropogenic basket already, completely sold on the idea that cow farts and Hummers are leading to the death of polar bears.

So these levels are the lowest they’ve ever been? If you believe history can be revised, you’d be correct, but that would mean you’d have to erase the entire voyage of 1905 when Roald Amundsen (also a Norwegian like those pesky moose), managed to successfully sail through the Northwest Passage in his little 10 man wooden boat. How low would the ice levels had to have been to sail through the Arctic in an archaic little boat? I’m not a scientist, but I would have to believe way lower than the levels are right now, and I don’t think you could pull it off in a 100 year old wooden boat right now either, let alone grow facial hair like this guy.

Below is a picture of Amundsen’s excursion through the “frozen” (ha!) North:

In fact, a man trying to do almost the same thing, Adrian Flanagan, was getting stuck in ice while trying to navigate the Arctic Sea in northern Russia, and needs to use an ice breaker to keep moving. Hilarious!

Oh, and Al Gore got caught using his private jet to go across half the country, data in Laurie David’s global warming children’s book “The Down-to-Earth Guide to Global Warming” is false, and Leonardo DiCaprio’s global warming film went down the toilet.

And that, my friends, is how global warming has been debunked from north to south to Scandinavia.